sibilings.

The love between siblings is forever, its an everlasting kind of love. A wonderful, great place to be when you actually see and are able to relate to your sibling’s… how they feel, their perspective, their fears, insecurities, when you put the time and effort into the relationship.... When your bond between one another grows stronger and stronger because you have been where the other has and you care where the other is at and being able to except them for who they are, what they are, what they’ve become, being able to love despite the differences- when you are able to relate, or when you have shared your feelings with one another and speaking heart to heart brings fortha deeper bond. I wouldn’t take anything in the world for my sibling’s, although at some point they have all gotten on my nerves lol.. … I am so grateful for my older brother and 2 older sisters... and I am so thankful and beyond for my younger brothers… they are my heart. I am 23 now, and I have come to the place where I am completely in awe of the love sibling’s really do share. Its like right now I am able to say that the advice my older sisters gave me 3 years ago... well, I definitely see they know what they were talking about... Its advice that has stuck with me till today. I love my older sisters... they are so special to me. When I think nobody else understands… when nobody else even wants to take the time to understand…Christen and Courtney do, and I will never be able to replace that feeling or relationship…. Nor would I want too. It’s so fun to see relationships develop- like me and my brother under me Cowboy… him and I have grown to have such a good relationship…. Its amazing how much more he knows than me J My youngest brother Jayse, he is a jewel... not that the others aren’t… but he has a heart of gold. He is so precious to me. I remember when my dad died and I wanted so bad to take away all the pain they felt from it… I didn’t know how, and now I realize I couldn’t even do that- but for me, man I wanted to erase the hurt and confusion, I felt like since they were so young they shouldn’t have to deal with that amount of pain. They have such a huge place in my heart… I would never trade anything for them. Although I haven’t always been able to show it the way I would like… but in my heart I feel it, and I know it. It’s just been something that took a vulnerable position- and at the time uncomfortable… So it should be on everyone’s “TO DO LIST” to allow the other person to know the importance they hold.I am writing this to my sibling’s… to the ones I GREW up with. the ones that taught me things, was there for me… the ones now I have grown to trust and hold so close to my heart. There was a time I was so mad at my sister… but then there came a time when I got out all my feelings with instrumental music playing and me just talking away- and me telling her exactly how I felt, and going deep… and I appreciate her for listening… I remember- there was tears… goodness I was so bitter at her for several years... but then that all broke. It felt good when it broke. Growing up I looked up to her and my other sister… Now I look up to them even more. And they probably will never know…. Well unless they read this :) (which they better)I could never ask for better sisters they have both touched my life in a huge way.If its from conversations we’ve had or things we’ve gone through- I’ve learned so much from the twins.OK so right now I just ask that God... your hand be so firmly on my life that the decisions I am making only glorify you. You are my daddy… you are my answer to prayers… and I just ask that you completely take over my life. And direct me, and guide me… I promise my life is not my own- Because you knew me even before I was in my mothers womb, oh and my mother is THE strongest person I know… She is brave, has courage, and forgives time and time again- however many times she has too and with 6 kids lol well… the number increases. I love my family, my actions might not have always showed it, but as I get older there are so many things im realizing and taking in… with God’s help.

I am thankful for my family… Blood is way thicker than water- I love you FAMILY!!! –Faf

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

I truly believe that positive thinking not only brings inner peace, but also success, improved relationships, even better health, happiness, and satisfaction. There is something to be said for the positive minds in the world…I believe they are contagious as well… have you ever been around one so positive and upbeat? And then been around a downer? Which do you prefer to spend time with?? Do you think its true that people pick your mental moods and are affected accordingly? Think about it- either way isn’t it a much better way of living being positive?

Lets all develop a positive attitude toward life, expect a successful outcome or whatever we do, but also take any necessary actions to ensure our success.

There are so many things in life that will never make sense, so why not stopping there and just leaving it at that. There are things that we wont understand.. maybe, why God- did my dad have to die ?? Why did my grandpa have to get cancer? Why did my heart get broken? Why do I feel broken?? How do I fix this?? WHAT CAN I DO? WHAT DO I DO?? Sometimes we might just be over analyzing things, although we all do, come on now… we are all guilty of it. Life will take its course, we must stand on what we know, we must stand firmly in our faith, our God, our first love… Life can be what we make it, or life can be what happens to us.. either way LIFE WILL HAPPEN, LIFE MOVES ON… I want to be a strong person, the weak just doesn’t seem becoming to me… it doesn’t appease me- being STRONG.. Yea that makes me smile, yet I know to get strong our strength will be tested- therefore obstacles, valleys, heartache, but hey.. I wanted to be strong riiiiight?? :)

If we continue to look at the bright side of life the our life becomes filled with light, and.. this light doesn’t only affect us and the way we look at the world, but also the people around us. IF IT IS STRONG ENOUGH… IT BECOMES CONTAGIOUS

I pray for peace all over the world, for strong people to rise up and be what others need. I pray that the ones going through hard, dark, difficult times… finds that shifting their thoughts to be more positive will create a rippling effect internally and externally. We must start somewhere though, maybe the first steps are the hardest?? Maybe just getting into the habit, or mind set of it, but not fool yourself… the whole thing will be somewhat difficult at times- but HEY!!!... that’s how we get more strength!!

Don’t give up… never ever give up. Put your pain, your heart, your soul, and your faith in this- I must mention something- when I get sad, lonely, or when I feel like giving up… I remember the verse that when my dad died I put my finger on, it always fills me up to this day, because it was at such an important place in my life: ONEFIVE… maybe if I ever design clothes one day that will be the brand J lol but Joshua 1:5.. check it out, let it bring you peace!!!!

whatever life throws at us, this too shall pass- nothing last forever, its all learning lessons, experiments.

Tootles

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

I truly believe that positive thinking not only brings inner peace, but also success, improved relationships, even better health, happiness, and satisfaction. There is something to be said for the positive minds in the world… I believe they are contagious as well… have you ever been around one so positive and upbeat? And then been around a downer? Which do you prefer to spend time with?? Do you think its true that people pick your mental moods and are affected accordingly? Think about it- either way isn’t it a much better way of living being positive?

Lets all develop a positive attitude toward life, expect a successful outcome or whatever we do, but also take any necessary actions to ensure our success.

There are so many things in life that will never make sense, so why not stopping there and just leaving it at that. There are things that we wont understand.. maybe, why God- did my dad have to die ?? Why did my grandpa have to get cancer? Why did my heart get broken? Why do I feel broken?? How do I fix this?? WHAT CAN I DO? WHAT DO I DO?? Sometimes we might just be over analyzing things, although we all do, come on now… we are all guilty of it. Life will take its course, we must stand on what we know, we must stand firmly in our faith, our God, our first love… Life can be what we make it, or life can be what happens to us.. either way LIFE WILL HAPPEN, LIFE MOVES ON… I want to be a strong person, the weak just doesn’t seem becoming to me… it doesn’t appease me- being STRONG.. Yea that makes me smile, yet I know to get strong our strength will be tested- therefore obstacles, valleys, heartache, but hey.. I wanted to be strong riiiiight?? :)

If we continue to look at the bright side of life the our life becomes filled with light, and.. this light doesn’t only affect us and the way we look at the world, but also the people around us. IF IT IS STRONG ENOUGH… IT BECOMES CONTAGIOUS

I pray for peace all over the world, for strong people to rise up and be what others need. I pray that the ones going through hard, dark, difficult times… finds that shifting their thoughts to be more positive will create a rippling effect internally and externally. We must start somewhere though, maybe the first steps are the hardest?? Maybe just getting into the habit, or mind set of it, but not fool yourself… the whole thing will be somewhat difficult at times- but HEY!!!... that’s how we get more strength!!

Don’t give up… never ever give up. Put your pain, your heart, your soul, and your faith in this- I must mention something- when I get sad, lonely, or when I feel like giving up… I remember the verse that when my dad died I put my finger on, it always fills me up to this day, because it was at such an important place in my life: ONEFIVE… maybe if I ever design clothes one day that will be the brand J lol but Joshua 1:5.. check it out, let it bring you peace!!!!

whatever life throws at us, this too shall pass- nothing last forever, its all learning lessons, experiments.

Tootles

right now..

In my opinion, there are several times all thru out life that lead you to place when facing reality is something difficult to bare, and im not talking about the regrets one could have, but the hurt, the memories (good and bad). Does it make sense that all we go thru in life makes us who we are? creates/ builds character?? YES!! it does. So while going thru life, all we face if we take the lessons we learned, and actually learn from it... At the end, well not completely at the end we can put them all together, combine them all... We should be doing that thru the process of life. I think its vital to maintain a pure heart, i have been around so many people in my 23 years of living... Sometimes i think WOW, Im only 23... and ive experienced this much, seen, heard, been involved in this MUCH!! ... I can only wonder what i shall encounter the next years of my life. At times i get in this deep mood... just want to keep to myself, write, think, analyse, pray... I enjoy so much expressing myself on paper or by typing... however it is easier with a pen in my hand, and a sheet (a few) in front of me :)
Its crazy at times the transition of things?? what just ended, ,whats to come, you how felt, now how you feel... 2 days ago being stressed, today laughing and letting it go... Life is just so full of the ups and downs, heck even throw in some sideways. We just go thru things,some being self-inflected... others being brought on well.. by others. Either way, :LIFE IS SO REAL. Its like you hear LIFE IS SHORT... yet, ironically its the longest thing you will ever do.. so why not just make the best of it?? and find within yourself that happiness and peace, i mean it does exsist i just think we have to create it ourself, of course then that means make right decisions, and i have to say going back to... maintaining a pure heart. what goes around comes around, you reap what you sow, crama, etc. all different ways of putting- but all so true.
I know ive been rambling on here, but its just a release for me... for some reason this is my favorite type of therapy- i mean, when my dad died i went to a counselor- his name was ED, that felt great to... be able to talk talk talk, about whatever-- it was good for me. Now i take it out with me, myself, and computer!! :)
I am at a place in my life where i am finding out more and more what i like, what i dont... and i am embracing this new chapter... Im happy, and steadfast, Im content... it feels great.

Become... and eternally be<-- Happy, Loving, and one of integrity.
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." -St. Augustine
“The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.”

Things happen for a reason, ya know!? we grow from our experiences, we learn from our pain.. Pain hurts enough to NOT learn from it... Its what we make of it, its what we take with us. How we choose to be a surviver, how we choose to look at the positives and go away with the negatives, how we choose to let it effect us... Its the ability we have to fully trust God and just walk where He guides. What other guidance is better?? Not our own, thats for sure, we must walk exactly where he Guides, because HE will provide. Going thru things and how we cope is brought on by what we know... how much we know.
I cant tell you how many times i have truly felt that lonely feeling..like, i just needed and wanted someone... to be there, lean on, rely on, talk to, feel comfort from... man, it can be hard to endure, yet afterwards it seems to build so much character and be somewhat of foundamental building blocks to making us a better person. Jesus felt every feeling/emotion we will ever feel.. that in itself is complete comfort.
People can judge, and they do.. AND they forever will.. but what do people really know?... I mean, nobody ever truly knows another's heart. Maybe because it takes too much time, maybe because some people just dont have it in them... But people can judge, and assume, and point the finger, etc. But what I know in my heart, what you know.. the peace you feel, and the peace i feel, and the happiness you achieve.. ok, we are all individuals.. each and everyone of us is different and unique.. and thats not a bad thing, in my opinion- thats what makes the world a fasinating place.. We have all had our own struggles, battles, victories, etc. WHO IS ANYONE TO JUDGE??? I just dont get it, i mean... why?? Are we not suppose to love, befriend, show compassion? Ok, so we know everyone makes mistakes.. nobody is perfect (im so close it scares me though) lol.. but really... nobody is perfect, And we can talk about peace, and love, and faith and hope.. but isnt there a saying that "actions speak louder than words"??????? so why dont we act on it?

2009

Walk on this path-I continue to search you and know your ways. My love is timeless/endless/ unconditional for you. In every season, in every direction, which ever element. You are my daughter/son and there is no other love like this. I formed you before you were in the womb, I painted out/ planned your life long before your first cry. I went before you till the end all so you could just trust... Trust me, my word, my love, my promises. Where i am taking you humbleness is required, truth, faith and obedience. Let me speak to you, continue to have your ears open. I have walked with you thru everything... I have seen your greatest joys and in your eyes biggest failures. I have things to work on with you, also many things to have accomplished by you. there is a closeness that you allow and i truly desire to spend time with you. I search you in and out, I completely know every part of you- I am the King of Kings, the Healer, The ever lasting Lord. There comes many treasures in trusting me. not scared trust, not pity trust... there are so many key elements. I have never left you, you make the decisions to leave me... Even thru those times i was right there with you. Nothing can separate me and you... I shield your way, my daughter/son I shed my blood for you, laid down my life for you... There's no greater love than that. I will forever walk with you- be with you, every day every night. I have made your way, now with everything in you.. trust, obey, and honor. I make no mistakes, none. My hand is upon you, it has never left... nor will it ever leave.