right now..

In my opinion, there are several times all thru out life that lead you to place when facing reality is something difficult to bare, and im not talking about the regrets one could have, but the hurt, the memories (good and bad). Does it make sense that all we go thru in life makes us who we are? creates/ builds character?? YES!! it does. So while going thru life, all we face if we take the lessons we learned, and actually learn from it... At the end, well not completely at the end we can put them all together, combine them all... We should be doing that thru the process of life. I think its vital to maintain a pure heart, i have been around so many people in my 23 years of living... Sometimes i think WOW, Im only 23... and ive experienced this much, seen, heard, been involved in this MUCH!! ... I can only wonder what i shall encounter the next years of my life. At times i get in this deep mood... just want to keep to myself, write, think, analyse, pray... I enjoy so much expressing myself on paper or by typing... however it is easier with a pen in my hand, and a sheet (a few) in front of me :)
Its crazy at times the transition of things?? what just ended, ,whats to come, you how felt, now how you feel... 2 days ago being stressed, today laughing and letting it go... Life is just so full of the ups and downs, heck even throw in some sideways. We just go thru things,some being self-inflected... others being brought on well.. by others. Either way, :LIFE IS SO REAL. Its like you hear LIFE IS SHORT... yet, ironically its the longest thing you will ever do.. so why not just make the best of it?? and find within yourself that happiness and peace, i mean it does exsist i just think we have to create it ourself, of course then that means make right decisions, and i have to say going back to... maintaining a pure heart. what goes around comes around, you reap what you sow, crama, etc. all different ways of putting- but all so true.
I know ive been rambling on here, but its just a release for me... for some reason this is my favorite type of therapy- i mean, when my dad died i went to a counselor- his name was ED, that felt great to... be able to talk talk talk, about whatever-- it was good for me. Now i take it out with me, myself, and computer!! :)
I am at a place in my life where i am finding out more and more what i like, what i dont... and i am embracing this new chapter... Im happy, and steadfast, Im content... it feels great.

Become... and eternally be<-- Happy, Loving, and one of integrity.
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." -St. Augustine
“The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.”

Things happen for a reason, ya know!? we grow from our experiences, we learn from our pain.. Pain hurts enough to NOT learn from it... Its what we make of it, its what we take with us. How we choose to be a surviver, how we choose to look at the positives and go away with the negatives, how we choose to let it effect us... Its the ability we have to fully trust God and just walk where He guides. What other guidance is better?? Not our own, thats for sure, we must walk exactly where he Guides, because HE will provide. Going thru things and how we cope is brought on by what we know... how much we know.
I cant tell you how many times i have truly felt that lonely feeling..like, i just needed and wanted someone... to be there, lean on, rely on, talk to, feel comfort from... man, it can be hard to endure, yet afterwards it seems to build so much character and be somewhat of foundamental building blocks to making us a better person. Jesus felt every feeling/emotion we will ever feel.. that in itself is complete comfort.
People can judge, and they do.. AND they forever will.. but what do people really know?... I mean, nobody ever truly knows another's heart. Maybe because it takes too much time, maybe because some people just dont have it in them... But people can judge, and assume, and point the finger, etc. But what I know in my heart, what you know.. the peace you feel, and the peace i feel, and the happiness you achieve.. ok, we are all individuals.. each and everyone of us is different and unique.. and thats not a bad thing, in my opinion- thats what makes the world a fasinating place.. We have all had our own struggles, battles, victories, etc. WHO IS ANYONE TO JUDGE??? I just dont get it, i mean... why?? Are we not suppose to love, befriend, show compassion? Ok, so we know everyone makes mistakes.. nobody is perfect (im so close it scares me though) lol.. but really... nobody is perfect, And we can talk about peace, and love, and faith and hope.. but isnt there a saying that "actions speak louder than words"??????? so why dont we act on it?

2009

Walk on this path-I continue to search you and know your ways. My love is timeless/endless/ unconditional for you. In every season, in every direction, which ever element. You are my daughter/son and there is no other love like this. I formed you before you were in the womb, I painted out/ planned your life long before your first cry. I went before you till the end all so you could just trust... Trust me, my word, my love, my promises. Where i am taking you humbleness is required, truth, faith and obedience. Let me speak to you, continue to have your ears open. I have walked with you thru everything... I have seen your greatest joys and in your eyes biggest failures. I have things to work on with you, also many things to have accomplished by you. there is a closeness that you allow and i truly desire to spend time with you. I search you in and out, I completely know every part of you- I am the King of Kings, the Healer, The ever lasting Lord. There comes many treasures in trusting me. not scared trust, not pity trust... there are so many key elements. I have never left you, you make the decisions to leave me... Even thru those times i was right there with you. Nothing can separate me and you... I shield your way, my daughter/son I shed my blood for you, laid down my life for you... There's no greater love than that. I will forever walk with you- be with you, every day every night. I have made your way, now with everything in you.. trust, obey, and honor. I make no mistakes, none. My hand is upon you, it has never left... nor will it ever leave.